Thursday, February 23, 2006

In Which I Start Out Trying to be Funny, But End Up All Maudlin Instead

You know what's great about pregnancy? Nobody wants to mess with me. I'm trying not to expect special treatment (except at home, of course -- sorry DH), but damn if I don't get it anyway.

I told a friend that my plan for healthier eating had been shot to hell by the not-just-morning sickness. This friend, a total food puritan, responded, "oh, you just need to pamper yourself right now!"

Last Wednesday, I called DH when I was leaving work. He was supposed to go to class that night, but I knew there was no way I'd be able to take care of Raisin alone -- too sick. So, he skipped class. Last night, he apologized to his group for missing last week, and explained what had happened. They fell all over themselves to say that under no circumstances should this class take precedence over the needs/wants of a pregnant wife. Dude.

I've even had managers at work (not my manager, mind you -- but they still outrank me, so it counts) tell me not to worry about work projects. I'm growing a baby. Work can wait.

To a certain extent, I agree with this philosophy. I know my limitations, and I'm willing to scale back my expectations of myself while my body deals with the stresses of pregnancy. At the same time, I'm scared to think that everyone is giving me this much license. I worry about taking unfair advantage. I worry about lowering my expectations too far. I worry about jeopardizing projects and goals on which I've worked hard, but that now are taking a backseat to what's going on in my uterus.

Fortunately, this time around I have one person who will not (cannot) cut me any slack. Raisin needs Mommy to draw stick figures in soap crayon on the bathtub walls, whether or not I think I'm too tired. She needs Mommy to cut her chicken nuggets into bite-sized pieces, even when the sight of them churns my stomach. (Daddy has different jobs. This post is about me. Me!!!)

She doesn't yet understand what's changed about me, or how it will impact her (that's another post waiting to happen). So for now at least, she just doesn't accept any change in me at all. I think I'm relieved by that. It's like there's a piece of my life that hasn't been completely transformed by this pregnancy, and I guess I really need that, at least until I start feeling better and can reclaim some more of myself.


Jane said...

You know what's *really* great about pregnancy?

When it's over!

Julie said...

Everybody high-tail it over to Jane's site for some good news!

Mabel said...

Apparently I need to get pregnant. Then all my dreams will come true. Well, without the puking I mean. (((hugs)))