Friday, October 28, 2005

Questions To Keep You Up At Night

1. Why do the Las Vegas CSIs always use flashlights? Do murder scenes automatically lose electricity, rendering light switches useless?

2. Does the person who left the sushi in our office refrigerator really think it's still good after all this time? Are they going to eat it!?

3. Is George W. ever going to learn to pronounce "nuclear" correctly? Should we just rename those weapons "nu-cu-ler" so that he doesn't sound so freaking dumb?

4. Where should I take my pretty new purse to have the zipper fixed?

5. When Raisin says "ow-ie!" and pats her cheeks, what does that mean? Her teeth hurt? Her ears hurt? She just likes the new word?

These are the serious issues occupying this great brain, people. Once I solve these, I might move on to deeper problems like whether the United Nations can ever really be effective given its current organizational structure. But don't count on it.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

An Update About My Pants

You will all be relieved to know that the icky glue-like stuff came off my pants. BMG, you can cancel that check I'm sure you were sending. Although, if it's already in the mail, I'll take it. I can put it towards that Coach bag the universe owes me. See? It all works out. Karma.

Monday, October 24, 2005

More Adventures in Punctuation

Remember "Bizarro Jerry" from Seinfeld? This weekend I saw Bizarro Grape on the Orange Line from downtown Chicago to Midway. She's from Cleveland, and we ran into her and the three friends she was traveling with as we were all on our way back home. She has a Coach purse, though, and she lives "on the lake." There must be some kind of imbalance in the universe, which can only be equaled out by someone giving me a Coach bag and a house on the water. Anyone?

Also seen in Chicago this weekend: The Blue Man Group. AWESOME! FUNNY! STROBE LIGHTS! CAP'N CRUNCH! CREPE PAPER! HAAAAAA! Except they owe me $50 for the pants that got ruined by the icky glue-like stuff that was on my seat (which of course I didn't notice until after I sat in it). (I doubt I paid $50 for the pants, because I am cheap and buy things on sale, but the Blue Man Group doesn't know that.)

Know what else they have in Chicago? Margaritas! And food! And shopping! Extraneous exclamation points all around to indicate reveling and fun! Whee! It was a great trip. We stayed up late and slept in late. We talked and laughed and got caught up and promised to do it again. I missed DH and Raisin, but I wasn't sad about it like I thought I'd be. They had a good time, and I had a good time, and we were really glad to see each other again last night. But it was really nice to not be the Mama for a few days.

And now, Monday. Coffee. Tired. Hate work. Exclamation points broken. Blaaaahhhhh.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Holy Rambling Randomness!

I have had absolutely zero of interest to say for the last couple of weeks. Of course, I still have nothing noteworthy, but I don't want to have my blogger card revoked, so I'll make up some slightly-more-banal-than-usual drivel to take up space.

Tomorrow I am leaving for Chicago (aka Really Fun City). Woo-hoo! The Blue Man Group is performing while we're there, so we are going to try to get tickets. I've heard they put on an excellent show.

DH and Raisin are flying to California today to spend the weekend with DH's parents. We just saw Flight Plan, so I told DH that he is not allowed to sleep at any point during the trip. I might spike his soda with No-Doz. He's also not to let Raisin anywhere near "Avionics", whatever the hell that is -- he'll have to ask the pilot, since the flight attendants are probably terrorists. DO YOU THINK THAT'S UNREASONABLE? DO YOU!? I didn't think so.

Yesterday on the bus I sat next to a man listening to his headphones. He was very guy's-guy looking. You know, slightly rumpled khakis, Columbia jacket, very not-metrosexual. He was listening to one of the Richard Gere numbers from Chicago. That made my day.

I have spent the last 5 minutes trying to think of one more thing to add, and this is all I've got: Should the comma after "Avionics" be inside or outside the quotes?

Discuss amongst yourselves. Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Just Quit It!

1. Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, get your cute butts in a room together and work it out already. I started out just blaming Rory, but now you are both being difficult. Just quit it.

2. It's October, and this is Minnesota. Enough with the thunderstorms and the lightning and the worrying about more trees falling on my house and the dirty water in my basement. Just quit it.

3. Metro transit boss-type people, why must my bus route still be detoured? I do not see any dangerous construction. It's making the buses late(-er than usual), and the bus drivers cranky(-er). Just quit it.

4. Paolo family on the Amazing Race, please stop calling each other stupid. You are all stupid, end of discussion. Now, go away.

5. Trouser socks, quit falling down and bunching around my ankles. You are not old and stretched out enough for this to be a problem. And why are you called trouser socks? I don't wear trousers, because it's a word that only Wallace from Wallace and Gromit can get away with, so I shouldn't have to put up with it from you, either. "First thing, Garlic, you've got to requisition a new nickname." (If you get the reference, I'll be your BFF.)

6. People walking in the Skyway (this is the system of gerbil tubes that connects downtown Minneapolis so people don't have to walk outside in bad weather -- see above re: thunderstorms -- it's kind of like the Jetson's, but without the cool moving sidewalks). Anyway, people, walk faster. Or move to one side. Or at least walk in a straight line if you need to walk slowly. It's very hard to speed-walk around you when you are meandering zig-zag style all over the damn place. Get out of my way.

7. Julie, Grape, honey-bear, have you had enough coffee now? Can you please stop being so PMS-y and witchy-with-a-b? If you don't even want to be in the same room with yourself, how must your poor husband feel? Just quit it.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

It's Good to Know Where I Stand

Last night, Raisin and I were playing in the living room. She was enjoying one of her favorite pasttimes, in which she points at family pictures and tries to say the names of the people in them. Right now everyone's name sounds like "Mama" or "Da," but the initiated ear can hear the slight differences that distinguish "Gramma," Grandpa," and "Uncle Dan." (Or, the imaginative mother can create those distinctions in her hyper-proud mommy mind. Either way.)

I thought it might be fun to add a new element to the game by asking her to find certain people.

Me: Where's Gramma?
Raisin: Mama! ::points to picture of my mother::
Me: Very good! Where's Uncle Dan?
Raisin: Da! ::points to picture of my brother::
Me: Yay! Where's Mama?
Raisin (gleefully): Mama!!! ::runs across room to point at a plastic jack-o-lantern::
Me: ::sobbing::

It's an improvement, I guess. Last weekend at my mom's she kept calling one of these "Mama." Thanks, kiddo!