Thursday, January 10, 2008

Hey, Guess What!?

I am ashamed to say that I ended 2007 on a very pessimistic note. While I enjoyed Christmas with my family, I was stressed and tired from long hours at my job and from the schlepping of kids and presents. It felt too much like work, and not enough like a holiday. I was annoyed by news of the presidential race, and annoyed by my own cynicism. I felt trapped in my own life, but I had enough logic left to know that I had plenty of choices, I just needed to choose something.

Somehow, this New Year really does feel like a clean slate. I've always thought January 1 was as good a day as any to start something new, but that it really was pretty arbitrary. This year I'm not so sure.

I am tired, but I'm coming to terms with this job, and I'm making plans for the future. I'm enjoying my kids again. I'm sticking to the diet. I'm hopeful about what voters can accomplish in November, no matter which candidates get the nomination. I have done a 180 in attitude. I'm not sure why, but I am so grateful, because I was tired of being that woman.

I have long intended to write a post explaining the panic that started the whole "let's put ads on this site" thing, but it doesn't seem as important now. Suffice it to say, I freaked out and made several rash decisions, when a few well-thought-out ones would've served us all better. (Sample thought process: "What else could I do to make money? I'm pretty good at ovulating, maybe I could sell my eggs." You'll all be relieved to know that even then I realized that was taking things too far.)

So, as part of reclaiming my life, making choices instead of pretending to be forced into them, I am returning to Wordpress: the blog will be back here starting immediately.

Thank you all for your patience. I cannot promise a freak-out free future, but I do tend to panic about NEW things each time, so it's pretty likely that this particular freak-out will not recur.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I Don't Know How You Do It

People often ask me "how I do it." How do I manage with toddler twins and a preschooler (or, at first, infant twins and a toddler)? (Go ahead and laugh, moms with triplets -- or those of you with 4 + kids. It's OK. You have earned it.)

I don't know.

At home, it's not too hard. We follow the Routine, and it serves us pretty well. Some days Raisin doesn't brush her teeth until after lunch, and some days the grit underfoot in the kitchen feels like a million daggers in my soul, but it all gets taken care of eventually.

But I don't want to be the mom who says "no" all the time, so we venture to the library, or bowling with Raisin's friends from school, or out to play in the snow. At the library, Orange tries to rip pages out of every book. At the bowling alley, Apple wanted a closer look at the pins, and I had to chase him down the lane. It took me 1/2 hour to get everyone dressed for outside today. Apple and Orange both had their boots off within 2 minutes of being out (a good chunk of the 1/2 hour was me putting one twin back in their boots while the other struggled out of theirs). I made them stay out another 15 minutes anyway.

They deserve to have all these childhood experiences, and the fact that it's hard for me is no excuse for them to miss out. So, I keep trying. But I don't think I'll ever feel like I'm "managing."

The real trick is being OK with that.